"Good evening viewers, this is Jill Anderson bringing you breaking news. Marie Bellweather, spokeswoman and leader of the domestic terrorist group: Frumpy Ladies Against Tits has been arrested by Place City police tonight."
"A disgruntled ex-member of FLAT gave authorities the location of their secret headquarters; an abandoned warehouse along Wharf Avenue. SWAT teams rushed into place along the perimeter, sealing off all escape routes. Then they moved in, going room to room, meeting no resistance from the stunned Ms. Bellweather and the nine other FLAT members who were also arrested."
"They await trial at an undisclosed location. Action News Eleven will keep you posted with further developments."
"The anonymous tipster also told police where to find the high tech containment unit FLAT has been using to store the mass they've been siphoning from the chests of unlucky women in the greater Place City metro area. The bomb squad has not been able to safely reclaim the device due to alarming levels of strange radiation. They've enlisted a Mammary Science specialist, Dr. Laura Winter of Augustus University to aid their efforts. So far no word on how they're progressing."
"Also unknown are the whereabouts of toow, the shadowy figure said to be responsible for lending FLAT the technology to shrink breasts. For this reason, all conspicuously busty women are still encouraged to follow the emergency guidelines and exercise caution in public areas, especially along roadways."
"Still, I know that this reporter will stride springier and sleep easier knowing that Ms Bellweather and her flunkies are tucked away behind bars."
"Now back to the other top story tonight. Krock Foods, parent company of Chewy Chips Cookies, is under investigation for allegedly-"
I think an appropriate punishment for Ms Bellweather would be to have her breasts enlarged to at least Det. Sullivan's current size, probably even to Officer Martinez's old size. That same punishment should be doled out to Officer O'Daniels, as well, for betraying her fellow officers.
Good news:In defense against the terrorist toow, i have completed a new technology that can protect against the effects of toow's anti-breast device. I beleive the device works by turning the breast flesh into energy, then storing it within itself. My invention looks like a bra made out of a circuit board. When the device is fired on a woman, the bra reacts by redirecting the device's blast on itself, causing it to absorb itself, destroying itself. Side effect: Because matter and energy can be neither created nor destroyed, only change forms, the energy in the device and the mass of it must go somewhere. It travels along the residual path of energy created by the device into the targeted woman, enlarging her bust by an amount equal to the mass and energy contained in the device, usually around a 5-10% increase in size.
"A disgruntled ex-member of FLAT gave authorities the location of their secret headquarters; an abandoned warehouse along Wharf Avenue. SWAT teams rushed into place along the perimeter, sealing off all escape routes. Then they moved in, going room to room, meeting no resistance from the stunned Ms. Bellweather and the nine other FLAT members who were also arrested."
"They await trial at an undisclosed location. Action News Eleven will keep you posted with further developments."
"The anonymous tipster also told police where to find the high tech containment unit FLAT has been using to store the mass they've been siphoning from the chests of unlucky women in the greater Place City metro area. The bomb squad has not been able to safely reclaim the device due to alarming levels of strange radiation. They've enlisted a Mammary Science specialist, Dr. Laura Winter of Augustus University to aid their efforts. So far no word on how they're progressing."
"Also unknown are the whereabouts of toow, the shadowy figure said to be responsible for lending FLAT the technology to shrink breasts. For this reason, all conspicuously busty women are still encouraged to follow the emergency guidelines and exercise caution in public areas, especially along roadways."
"Still, I know that this reporter will stride springier and sleep easier knowing that Ms Bellweather and her flunkies are tucked away behind bars."
"Now back to the other top story tonight. Krock Foods, parent company of Chewy Chips Cookies, is under investigation for allegedly-"