"In other news today, Morgan Fairfield, wealthy daughter of the Fairfield Oil fortune was rescued from her winter cabin in Vail, Colorado by local firefighters. They had to demolish the outer bedroom wall of the 30 million dollar home to extract Ms. Fairfield from the residence. Reports indicate she was found gagged and pinned to her bed by an unexplained amount of breast tissue. She was slightly dehydrated at the time of her rescue and appeared agitated, heaping verbal abuse of the firefighters toiling to save her, and repeatedly yelling about fairies, imps, and Santa Claus being at the root of her bizarre predicament. No charges have been filed, and the Fairfield family has declined making an official comment on the matter."
"This is Jill Anderson, Action News Eleven."